Latest stuff:
What am I?
This is how I feel about myself:
What Body I should have:
Male – 95%
What my brain is:
Male – 58.6%
What sexual attraction I have:
Female – 100%
Old Stuff
TL;DR (too long, didn’t read) –
I came out for the first time one month ago,
was inspired by a sermon not to lead a life of lies and deception
I am 24 23,, (I’m supposed to keep track of this?) , I was asexual till I was 19 – (not attracted to anyone) so 4 years in the closet ~
I came out to my parents first, just at the table after dinner,
it was the most scary thing I have ever done,
it was the most awkward set of sentences I have ever said,,
I was shocked at how loving and accepting (though shocked and speechless) they were,
~
Here’s my story:
Until I was 19, I was asexual – I wasn’t attracted to anyone – so it made for some really awkward ‘relationships’ in high school,, then in 2nd year of uni, I realised I was only attracted to guys, not girls…
all my life, I have been going to church each Saturday, learning a lot through Bible study, and wanting to follow God’s will for my life, so it was strange and confusing.. But finding GCN (Googling those two magical words “Gay Christian”) I was comforted knowing there were others in my shoes..
I instantly made a decision not to tell anyone in the real world, (paranoid that everyone would know, word would leak, even if I told a stranger..) and decided not to go out with anyone or get married… I thought that maybe that when I was dead, someone might look through some computer files or browsing history and say “hmm, he was gay all along.” Being a socially awkward penguin, and not very claustrophobic, I thought that a closet would be a nice way to spend a lifetime, as long as there was an Internet connection in there…
Four years later, I heard an inspiring sermon at a Youth Conference about Jacob (whoe’s name meant ‘Deceiver’) whoe’s name was changed to Israel ‘Overcomer’ –
He had problems with living a life of deception, and sexual immorality – having children with 4 women, 2 wives…
But when he wrestled with God, his name and character was changed. I wanted to be like the hundred forty four of God’s people written in Revelation that stand on the mountain of God, no deceit found on their lips, and sexually pure,
So I decided to come out to my parents, and the 2 people that I had remembered actually asking directly if I was gay, having lied to them, to live a life of truth.
It was the scariest and most awkward conversation/moment of my life.
I took 3 days to pluck up the courage to tell them,, eased them into it saying “I have disappointing news” (my mum made some empathetic whimpering noise, as my heart sank into my stomach..) and told them I decided not to get married, and that I was gay,,
there was a huge time of silence, but I was just happy I didn’t need to talk and it could just process in them…
My mum said, choked up with tears, that I had made the right decision, and shockingly my dad said it was my life, and I had responsibility, and that even if I brought a boyfriend home, he would still accept me.
I had gone through the conversation in my head, and I was expecting that maybe they would yell, or cry, or throw something at me, or grab a knife, or kick my out of the house, but – I should have known that they would react with their true Christian love (crazy how Christians are known for hating gay people…)
And for the future…
I don’t know about tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand.
the end ~ n__n
I think there are people on all parts of those scales in different combinations ~ what about you?